Love the Way y0u Live

10 Ways To Keep Love Alive In A Busy Schedule

2012-02-02T00:35:00.001-08:00

Life is what happens when you're not looking, right? Keep your love alive even while coping with the busiest of schedules by picking up a few good habits, making the most of the time you have together.

Don't leave home without it! Kiss your partner before leaving home. Add a hug while you're at it! Two minutes that start your day off right. And, don't forget to kiss them when you come home!

Keep that date! If you don't have a regular date night every week, create one. Don't lose your identity as a couple.

Conserve energy. Shower together and save water. Plus, this is even better than looking in a mirror for keeping those unwanted pounds off.

Give each other a break. When you come home, give each other 30 minutes to unwind quietly and leave work behind.

Return to the table. Eat dinner at the table without TV as a distraction. Play soft music, and really enjoy dinner together.

Don't let chores get in the way. Try to break up chores so you don't end up trying to do everything on the weekend.

Wanna do lunch? Have lunch together once a week. Especially if you have children, this will provide time together without interuptions. On days you can't lunch together, use this time to get some of your errands done.

Prepare the night before. Do you start your day stressed out trying to find clothes that are pressed, getting your family's gear together, etc? Lay out as much as you can the night before so you can actually enjoy breakfast with your partner and family.

Happy Hour. Meet your partner for happy hour instead of driving home in the middle of rush hour. Enjoy this "mini" date.

Don't be a slave to the kitchen. If you are a two-career couple, eat your heavier, more traditional meal at lunch, and eat light at dinner. Not only will this be healthier for you, but it will save you time cooking and cleaning, so you can spend more time doing things you both enjoy.

10 Habits of a Loving Couple

2012-02-02T00:33:00.001-08:00

Romance is a way to express your love, the icing on the cake... but don't wait for special occasions to express your love. Make sure that you nurture your loving relationship by practicing these basic habits in your day-to-day life. These may seem very basic, but how many do you do? Don't despair ... it's never too late to adopt good, loving habits. Remember, the more you put into your relationship, the more you gain!

1. Say "I Love You" at least once a day. Your partner does need to hear the words.

2. Kiss good-bye & hello. Throw in a hug while you're at it.

3. "Date" your partner for the rest of your lives. Treat your partner even better than when you were dating... Remember that you are sweethearts:

open her door

straighten his tie

hold out her chair

hold hands when you're walking together

4. Don't sweat the small stuff. You can let his/her bad habits bother you to distraction... or you can accept them, and work around them. Does she leave the cap off the toothpaste? Buy separate tubes... Does he leave clothes laying around? Ignore them, or pick them up, remembering just how much he does for you in other ways. Or, make it easier for your partner to satisfy you... buy several clothes hampers and keep them handy.

5. Concentrate on the positive. Instead of thinking about the ways that s/he lets you down, think of all the positive things about your partner that drew you to them in the first place.

6. Take a breather when you're mad. Don't try to talk when either of you are angry. Take a few minutes to walk around the block, lay down, just get away from each other so you can regroup. A short break will allow you both to stay on track and discuss what's bothering you instead of accidentally making personal insults that you will regret later.

7. Don't use your partner's secrets or weaknesses against them... ever! What may seem insignificant, trivial, or cute to you may be serious to your partner. Recognize what is important to your partner, and don't discuss it with your friends, mother, his family, anyone! And certainly don't throw the words back at them in an argument. A loving relationship is one of the most intimate and trusting that anyone can have.

8. Think about your partner first. If both of you do this, then you can't help but win! Say "yes" to your partner as often as possible... go to that sports event with him, get him out on that golf course because he loves golf, make life easier for your partner, and hopefully they will do the same for you!

9. R-E-S-P-E-C-T your partner. Don't badmouth your partner to anyone! When you talk about your partner, let your respect and love shine through.

10. Find a way to regroup together every day. Discover what works well for you both... eat a meal together, meet for happy hour drinks, skip Leno at night and just lay in bed in the dark, take a walk around the block, etc. You can even mix things up and vary your routine. If one of you is traveling, call home at night just to hear their voice. The point is to spend time together daily, just talking or breathing the same air, feeling connected.

5 Things to Avoid Doing on a Blind Date

2012-01-23T07:04:00.001-08:00

By Linda Yellin
Author of The Last Blind Date
When I was in high school, blind dates scared me. (Actually all dates scared me, but especially dates with strangers). My favorite thing to do would be go to a movie— a long movie—so I wouldn’t have to make conversation beyond “Pass the popcorn.” Afterward the date and I could go for a burger and I’d have something to talk about: The Movie.

In time I evolved past the point where I worried that I wouldn’t have anything to say to a guy. I even moved past “What if he doesn’t like me?” to “What if I don’t like him?” And first dates, blind or otherwise, became more varied. As I look back on these forays into love —and I am thrilled, yes thrilled, to be looking back and no longer dating. I was terrible at it. Really terrible. I thank my husband every day for marrying me. I realize there are definitely Good Ideas for first dates and Bad Ideas. These are a few of the bad ones, with the caveat that they’re being served up by someone who hated dating.

1) Avoid any activity that involves danger. This includes anything requiring large four-legged animals, fast engines, surfboards, speed bikes, roller skates or mountain ranges. You want your date going home with you—not a paramedic.

VIDEO: Who is Linda Yellin and where did she come from?

2) Avoid any activity that produces sweat. Some days there just isn’t enough deodorant in the world to offset that dreamy walk through a conservatory (good for orchids, bad for armpits); crowded dance floor; beachside cookout; or office softball game. There’s just no way, no how, that seepage beneath your shirtsleeves will make a good impression. An impression, yes. A good one, no. Bowling might be okay if you’re not too athletic, but only if you have the kind of butt you want to show off. And Bikram yoga? Bad idea. Bad bad bad. Under any circumstances.

3) Don’t do anything that will highlight your flaws. Everyone has a personality blemish or two and eventually you have to own up to them. That’s when you get to say, “I’m loved despite my flaws!” But before then, keep the bad news to yourself. Let your new date get suckered into, I mean, fall in love with, your finer qualities first so by the time they learn you talk through the Philharmonic or cheat during Scrabble or pick fights in bars, it’s too late. They can’t live without you. Which is why my friend Annabelle never went out again with the guy who was so cheap, rather than order juice at their first—and last—date, he squeezed a ketchup packet into a glass of cold water.

4) Weddings are not appropriate getting-to-know-you date settings. You walk into a wedding with someone, anyone—even the parking lot attendant—and every other guest you’ve ever met in your entire life will want to know if “you two are next?” There’s something about weddings that makes everybody else in the room want anyone without a ring on their finger to promptly fall in love. How embarrassing to be asked, “So how long have you two lovebirds been dating?” and have to answer: “Twenty minutes.” The only thing worse is being seated at the Singles Table. Which is why you might want to bring a date you know.

5) Any idea you’ve ever seen on Millionaire Matchmaker (a show I happen to love) is a stupid idea. Pole-dancing. Weightlifting. Hauling junk. Couples massages. There’s a reason those millionaires need to hire someone to help them find dates. And there’s a reason I’m always thinking “Whoa… it doesn’t matter how much money you have, buddy…”

The more I think about it, a movie followed by a burger might be the way to go. But not an X-rated movie. That’s another thing to avoid. “I loved that scene where Mickey Rourke did that thing with his tongue,” can make for awkward conversation.

Why Do Women Avoid Ending Friendships?

2012-01-23T06:58:00.000-08:00

It’s simple human nature to want to avoid conflict. But by not addressing the problem—or by mishandling the break-up—you might guarantee discomfort and unhappiness for days, weeks, maybe years, says Liz Pryor, Good Morning America’s advice guru and author of What Did I Do Wrong?: When Women Don’t Tell Each Other the Friendship Is Over. She shares the story of former friends, Terry and Mia, to illustrate.

In her book Connecting: The Enduring Power of Female Friendship, Sandy Sheehy says, “Merely acknowledging that we might want to stop being friends with someone brings a nagging sense of failure and guilt.”

I didn’t detect the guilt in Terry, quite frankly, but I think that like many women who initiate this experience, Terry has a feeling of entitlement that says we’re allowed to choose our friends and end our friendships in whatever way we see fit. It is our own choice and it doesn’t make us bad people. All of which is entirely true. We aren’t bad people because we want to end a friendship, but the way in which we choose to end it can be more or less bad in the hurt that it causes.

The contrast between Mia’s and Terry’s feelings is striking. For Mia, the ending came out of nowhere, throwing her into complete emotional turmoil. Terry, on the other hand, is merely annoyed by the inconvenience this experience has brought to her daily life.

Perhaps the people who are ending the friendship (the initiators) are scared they will be perceived as unkind. Perhaps what Sheehy says is right on—by acknowledging to their friend that they don’t want to be friends, they bring on a feeling of failure and guilt. Thus they don’t do it!

The receiver here, Mia, suffers more than rejection and sadness. She actually begins to question and blame herself for the failure. She puts herself through the ringer searching for answers she can never find. When all else fails, she decides to ask her friend, “Is something wrong?”

The initiator responds, “Nothing is wrong.” Now the receiver can’t trust her own intuition, which is usually founded on fact. The friend who is without a doubt leaving her life, has said, “Nothing is wrong.” The initiator is refusing to acknowledge her own behavior, so the receiver is permeated

with a sense of helplessness, because her intuition has been sabotaged. Yet instincts are rarely wrong, and it’s crucial for receivers to follow them.

Writing a letter can help at this point. When Mia wrote to Terry, she got her feelings in order and down on paper, which helped her find some emotional footing again. It may have let Terry see that Mia is aware of what Terry is doing. Mia gains back some sense of control and can begin to trust herself again. Terry doesn’t have to respond to the letter; the fact that Mia sent it was enough to give Mia the fortitude to move forward. It would also help ease her future contact with Terry, make it less fraught with emotion. Thinking of the number of times she would see Terry in the weeks and years to come had been overwhelming and forced her need to do something.

After writing a letter, the receiver can take charge and move ahead in her own life. Yet there is no doubt that a woman will mourn the loss of an intimate girlfriend just as she would mourn the death of a loved one. As shattering as it is, how we choose to handle it can become a profound lesson in resilience.

Most of the women who decide to end a friendship have been toying with the idea well before they actually start leaving, so by the time they do begin their quiet departure, they are already emotionally detached. That’s very evident in Terry’s side of the story. I’ve yet to meet an initiator who had any idea of the total emotional upheaval she was causing in her friend’s life. In fact, her intent is to avoid hurting the friend she’s leaving. Initiators believe at the time that they’re doing the right thing. In fact, they feel consciously decent and kind, as they think they are saving their friend from the crushing reality. Initiators are so emotionally detached that they don’t see their friend is already suffering.

To choose to avoid rather than confront is tempting. Because there will be no outside judgment it becomes even more tempting. Then we convince ourselves we do it to spare the feelings of our friend, who will surely be hurt by the truth about why we don’t want to hang out with her anymore. To the initiator of the ending, it can feel almost too good to be true, and a lot of the time it is.

We have to consider the consequences of our choices. Our not acknowledging that we are indeed ending the friendship is what could be considered lying by omission. To deny something is wrong when a friend asks, is an actual lie.

An alternative for Terry’s “Nothing’s wrong” is to acknowledge to Mia what is going on. It is tougher to think about than to actually do it, but once it’s over, it’s really over. By not addressing the problem, she guarantees discomfort and unhappiness for days, weeks, and maybe years.

It is simple human nature to want to avoid conflict. Sandy Sheehy says inConnecting, “The idea of ending a friendship is something women kind of chicken out at.” It’s their desire to avoid conflict, or their wish to be seen as “nice.”

Those who initiate the ending don’t really want to hear advice. As a former serial initiator, I know this from experience. Once this process gets going, it is very difficult to switch course. So initiators should give conscious thought to an ending before actually starting the process. Friendships define so much of who we are, they deserve our acknowledgment of their endings. These girlfriends we’ve loved have had a huge effect on our lives and we on theirs. We need to pay attention.

10 Online Dating Rules for Women

2012-01-23T06:57:00.000-08:00

Here’s how not to scare off a potential match, because even a harmless-seeming e-mail can sabotage online dating. From The Rules for Online Dating by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

Whether you were recently hurt or haven’t been in a relationship for a while, you want immediate gratification and compensation for all the pain and heartache of recent years or even decades. But get a grip and tell yourself there is no shortcut to courtship, things take time, so you must not act impatiently or desperately. You are a CUAO (Creature Unlike Any Other), remember? You need to force yourself to refrain from saying anything too intense or negative that could scare a man away. Unfortunately, no matter what your heart says, you must hold back a bit for your own good.

Here are Rules to help you be light and breezy in your e-mails:

Sometimes giving a man no answer is being light and breezy. If a man doesn’t write you a sentence or two specific to your ad, but rather just sends you his profile through a “wink” or a “rose” (stock-response features that allow you to click on an ad and send your profile to the chosen ad), or if he sends a photo only, do not respond at all. It shows no effort, very little interest in you, merely a click of a button. Just delete it. He is just using online dating for fun, not to seriously meet someone. He’s just cruising online.
If a man sends you an e-mail and he doesn’t have a photo online, say “Would love to see a photo. Thanks.” That’s it, nothing else. Do not have a long conversation with this man no matter how interesting and long his e-mail to you was. If he refuses to send his photo, there is usually a reason. We are not being superficial here. When he does respond with a photo and you like it, do not write “Cute pic” or “Nice abs.” Just say “Thanks for the photo” and answer his questions.
Don’t tell a man you checked his profile, even if you did. Just write back in response to his e-mail, “You sound nice,” and anything else you want to say. Do not write, “Read your ad, my brother is also an accountant, and he also played basketball in college. I love skiing and tennis too…We seem to have a lot in common.” As a Rules girl, you are too busy to be memorizing men’s ads, remember? Even though you did.
Do not look through his profile for conversation pieces. For example, do not notice that he is newly divorced and say, “Sorry about your marriage…why did it end?” or see that he has two children and ask their ages. None of your business at this point. Save it for when you are dating awhile or when he brings it up. Also, don’t ask questions about his work. It’s an obvious ploy to find out how much money he makes and if he will be a good provider. Take a chance if you like him, don’t worry about his income. Let him ask a few questions about you. Women tend to get into these long question-and-answer sessions with men online and it is a complete waste of time as most never even make it to date zero anyway.
Never e-mail a man a second time if he neglected to respond to your e-mail, even if you think that he is your future husband or soul mate. Never! E-mailing a man twice in a row is the antithesis of being light and breezy. He may be away on business or just busy, and you will come across as desperate, or he may just poof! If he does, just let him poof! Don’t think his or your computer is not working. On some systems, you can check sent mail to see if the e-mail has been read. Do not e-mail him, “Wasn’t sure if you got my last e-mail…” He did! If he never e-mails you again, so be it, next! Just know that if you do e-mail him twice in a row and he responds, you will have made yourself the pursuer. He will know how much you like him, and the relationship will follow suit.
If you get any angry e-mails back, such as “I want more than three sentences from someone I would want to date, someone open and honest, no games,” hit the delete button. However, if a man writes back nicely and says “Tell me more about yourself,” you can tell him a hobby or two or favorite TV show or about your recent ski trip.
For the first three months, do not initiate e-mails; only respond to e-mails he sends you — and only if his e-mail merits a response to a question. Do not e-mail back if he sends you a joke or just says something like, “Did I tell you how adorable you are?” although if he sends these kinds of complimentary e-mails regularly you can wait for three to add up and e-mail back, “That is so sweet, thank you.” Just wait 24 hours before you e-mail him back.
Don’t be a downer. If you had a bad day, your job is on the line, money problems, health scare, and so on, do not weave it into your e-mail conversations as a way of bonding with this man. For example, don’t say “Crazy week. 30 people were let go at work. I could be next. Mother just diagnosed with cancer. Last boyfriend was a jerk, hope you are different.” This might be fine for your girlfriends, even a female acquaintance, but it is not the way to get close to a potential date. On the contrary, it will make the average man think “Nut case!” or “Who wants to hear her problems?” and he will never ask you out. Instead say, “Hi, got your e-mails…crazy busy with work…going to work out now and burn off some Italian food from last night…have a really great day…”
After three or four months, you can initiate one quick fun e-mail – such as a joke, or something that made you think of him, but nothing about sex, just a small innocent e-mail. For example, if he is a basketball fan and his favorite team lost the playoffs the night before, you can e-mail him, “Hi, there. Hope you’re doing well. Sorry about the Knicks. Maybe next year!”
Words never to use in your e-mails and things never to discuss in e-mails (even if he does):
- soul mate
- dream man
- commitment
- commitment-phobia
- anything about sex
- his or your long-term plans
- ex-boyfriend
- ex-husband
- last relationship
- marriage
- connection
- intimacy
- or anything about game-playing (e.g., “I don’t play games”).
It all sounds good on paper, but you cannot write “soul mate” and think you will get one that way. A soul mate is someone who responds to your ad, doesn’t give up e-mailing you, tries to get your number to get a date with you and is a loving and fun companion. Unfortunately, you cannot attract this by writing the word down any more than you can attract wealth by writing down the word “money.” Be patient. More will be revealed. It takes time to figure out who your soul mate is. So beyond looking desperate, it is really a waste of time to write down “waiting for my soul mate” or anything like it.

General Dating Rules For Men

2011-08-20T02:03:00.000-07:00

You are a guy who is always in a serious relationship. You are a guy who hasn't dated in years. Or maybe you're a guy who has never been successful with women. Whatever your situation, there are some common dating rules to follow when venturing into the dating jungle. These conventions even the playing field, preparing you for success while protected your emotions. Women are trained from day one in the art of dating warfare. They have a physical and emotional arsenal that you may never hope to match. But you won't be outgunned if you properly prepare for the battle.

1. Look your best. Get some decent clothes and shoes. Women always look at your shoes, even if you last checked your Nikes in 1996. Get clothes that fit you, suit you and are contemporary. Don't just buy one outfit, sort out your entire wardrobe. Buy a nice tailored suit, there is no excuse not to. If you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of her?

2. Sort out your hygiene and styling. Go down to the barbers and clean up your hair, getting it styled if possible. If you don't have much hair, still get down to the salon, maybe get your head shaved. Or just get a regular shave, a professional shave will leave your face looking and feeling great. Then it is off to the shops with you for good quality cologne and a grooming kit. Men are so often criticized for smelling bad. Get into a regular showering routine so you will always smell fresh and clean. Women appreciate it.

3. Sort out your job if you have one. Women want a man who has some ambition in life. Coasting along as a skateboard instructor is generally not going to win you a real catch (though I'd give it a go, I love skateboarding). Any job is better than none, but knuckle down and sort out some direction in your life. If possible try and look like you have something of a career. If you have a manual job, at least have some plans to work for yourself, and if you already do, then you are on the right track. But know what you are about work wise and have some idea of your future plans because women will ask questions about your prospects. Even if they pretend it isn't important, it is.

4. Be in the know. Make sure you are up to date with current affairs, watch the news and read quality papers. Women do not appreciate stupidity, and laziness is no excuse for sounding dumb. Current affairs are important in showing you know all about the world we live in. If you travel a lot then this will help tremendously. If you don't, make plans to travel and tell her about it. Proving you are willing and able to plan vacations is essential in the grand scheme of things.

5. Do not extol the virtues of drinking in the bar 5 nights a week. This will never win any fair princess's heart. If you spend all your time boozing with the boys, it's time to take a step back and pick up some more productive habits. Taking your lady for a drink is fine, especially if you take her to get cocktails at a nice lounge, but give them the impression that you live there will get you absolutely nowhere fast.

6. Keep your super fan status in check. If you love your sports and enjoying watch the game with your buddies, fine. If sport is a religion and you have your favorite player's number tattooed on your back, you may have a problem. If you are serious about dating, rattling off baseball stats, ranting about unfair umpires and constantly check the score will put them off in record time. To the uninitiated, sports are completely boring, and many women interpret the obsession as a total lack of thought, creativity or inspiration. Millions of girls love sports too, and rooting for the same team is great, but don't make your passion into a one-sided one.

9. Never expect sex on a first date. If all you are after is sex, you have come to the wrong place for reading material. If you are looking for the girl of your dreams, there is nothing sexier than a patient man. You are easily capable of waiting for the right woman.

10. Read up on manners, courtesy and chivalry. A woman likes being treated with respect. Lose the coarse language, the swear words, the rudeness and the laziness. Know how to eat in a top restaurant. Know about fashion, jewelry and flowers. Know how to hold a door open for a woman, let her go first and help her with her seat. Listen to what she says but have opinions of your own too. Show her respect and manners at every step and you'll be on the right path.

11. Start listening and stop talking. Keep your date interested but don't turn into a one-man circus. She will bore of you quickly because she wants to talk about herself too. Listen to things she tells you about her and remember them. Women love to chat so you need to learn to listen to her. Remembering things she told you will impress her even more.

12. Give up smoking. Now.

13. Learn to dance even if you have two left feet. Women love to dance and it puts you two in close contact. It is also romantic and sexy. You can be the world's worst dancer, I don't care. But if you stay seated when she is on that dance floor you may as well not exist. Try joining salsa and ballroom classes. You don't need to be Travolta but you should have an idea of the basics of rhythm. Get started today.